I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize