OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
