she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
