feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she looked like the before picture.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
