Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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