And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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