a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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