Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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