Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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