i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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