i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
