My sheets look like a crime scene.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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