You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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