I have demons in me.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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