And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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