i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
