I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
