this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i came on her dog
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
