Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
