I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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