My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize