im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
