I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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