Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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