Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
