Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
