Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The uberlube is also flammable
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize