Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
