Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize