Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
