So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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