While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
