hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
