I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
