just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
