Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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