my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
