I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
