Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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