What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
