Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
