i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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