I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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