Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
