Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
