haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
