Christians are straight up FREAKS
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
