It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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