I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize