ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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