Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
