Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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