I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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