Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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