you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
