i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
