Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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