so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
