Me too!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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