I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
