I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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