and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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