Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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