I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
