Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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