get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize