Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Your cock deserves a montage
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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