So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
